|
3:02 pm
July 4, 2008
|
Roy Khoh
| | Canning Vale, Western Australia | |
| Admin
| posts 152 |
|
|
- There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
- Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).
- Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
- If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
- Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
- In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That is the story of the universe.
- Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Hungry Jacks, and got one.
- Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
- The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
- There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in the U.S.A.
- Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
- Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because “The Sum of All Fears” is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
- Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
- A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer
- Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
- Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
- In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
- Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
- Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in “I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.”
- The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during taekwondo practice.
- Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.
- Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
- Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
- Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
- When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
- If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
- The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
- The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
- When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
- The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
- The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
|
|
|
8:01 am
July 14, 2008
|
Jason Byrne
| | |
| Member | posts 3 |
|
|
Login 
Register 
Search 
Forum
Reply to Post
Quote and Reply 
Print this Post 
Topic RSS 
